Set Boundaries Early in Dating Without Being Extra!

In this modern Era, dating is a term that means something different depending on who you ask. In this context, dating refers to two individuals that share mutual interest in one another and spend time  getting to know each other. Several factors can impact how each individual mentally processes dating. Some people approach it jokingly or carefree as something to do to pass time and others are more engaged and look to gain a more lasting connection. Boundaries should be put in place regardless of dating views. Setting boundaries usually make for a more respectful and harmonious relationship because each person knows what to expect.

How To Go About It?

But how should one place boundaries without sounding like a jerk or a law maker laying rules down everywhere? Simple, just communicate effectively by having open and honest dialogue. Each individual should express preferred communication methods, level of commitment desired and stance on physical intimacy.

Preferred Communication Methods:

One basic way to get a message across may be to start conversation talking about a common interest or something you both have enjoyed. Use this conversation as a gateway to see “what else do we have in common?”, name your preferred methods of communication and ask “how about you?”. This approach is good because it clearly states your interest and leaves room for the other person to disclose to you. Additionally, it is helpful to state how much communication you desire. For example, if you desire phone conversation while your potential love interest prefers video calls it will be useful to set clear boundaries of how often each type of call should occur. This is necessary to avoid either person from feeling either neglected or “smothered”.

Commitment Anyone?

Just as equally important, each individual must communicate their desired level of commitment. Each person has their own ideas about the exchange of time happening so it’s vital to be honest and share feelings. Honesty is the best way to be respectful as to not waste each other’s time. This conversation can be had by asking something like “so, what are your ideas on dating and commitment and where do you currently find yourself ?”. Bringing it up this way initiates the conversation and you get a chance to interpret the response. Also, they will be more inclined to want to hear your response to what they have said. The way that the question is answered should give a better understanding of where he or she stands in terms of their readiness to be committed to you.

Let’s Get Physical:

Lastly, get clarity on where each of you stand on physical intimacy. We will call this the golden rule. This could actually be a deal breaker either way. If one person is celibate while the other person isn’t, it could create frustration on both sides if it isn’t discussed. Obviously, neglecting this discussion could leave one person expecting sexual intimacy and the other expecting to uphold their abstinence. Be clear on both your sexual boundaries and sexual appetite. Starting the dialogue for this topic could be as simple as saying ” a few things that you should know about me are..” as you proceed to include your physical intimacy boundary.

Here’s The Deal:

There is no magic formula to the perfect relationship but there are ways to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries in dating help to get both parties involved on the same page so that have more favorable experiences together. As dating between a couple evolve, other boundaries that can be discussed include; money, in-laws, personal privacy and home-life expectations.

Will you be implementing any of these boundaries in your next dating relationship? Or do you currently practice boundaries with your spouse?