Right now, everything feels like you’re putting out whatever fire is closest to burning you alive. Whether that be work or school stress, financial strain or a constant sense of impending apocalyptic doom, the world can be very overwhelming. Things feel crazy right now. Because of this, maintaining relationships can sometimes feel like added stress on top of what is already a very full plate. Let’s unpack why.

COVID-19’s Lasting Impacts

For a fully comprehensive understanding of why things feel so exhausting, it would be impossible to ignore the lasting impacts of quarantine. Not only did we all go through collective trauma, but this trauma also deeply impacted how we were able to connect with each other.

According to a 2022 study, the pandemic impacted different dimensions of empathy. Although people sometimes became more emotionally attuned to others’ suffering, isolation and limited social practice undermined their practical empathic social skills. Higher levels of stress and loneliness have been shown to lead to lowered levels of empathy and tolerance for others’ issues, especially while under external psychological burdens. Work, school and existential stress weigh on adults, and the post-pandemic experience has only amplified these pressures.

Along with this, another study found that extraversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness all experienced significant declines post-pandemic in young adults. Neuroticism, however, increased significantly. This all deeply impacts how we interact with one another.

Adult Responsibilities and Financial Stress

In an age when up to 70 percent of Americans say they’re struggling financially, maintaining relationships amid financial strain can feel exhausting. It is well known that financial stress can negatively impact relationships. As financial stress affects the majority of the population, interpersonal conflict becomes unavoidable. Financial strain is also highly linked to one’s ability to pay attention, receive information and act rationally. In turn, maintaining relationships can feel confusing and, at times, frustrating.

Stress, in general, affects how we respond to situations and, overall, can lower our empathy levels. When empathy weakens, people are more likely to react with anger or frustration rather than consider another perspective or extend grace. This leads to increased interpersonal conflict and makes it infinitely more difficult to maintain balance between friendships and your own life. 

Emotional Dependency and Subsequent Burnout

Increased emotional dependence on others was a direct result of the pandemic. Studies show that increased stress and anxiety drive people to seek online social support, which can deepen emotional dependence on others for reassurance and validation.

Increased emotional reliance also increases emotional labor, which can lead to burnout. The more emotional effort someone must exert, the more likely they are to suffer emotional burnout. If your friend is coming to you with the same issue for the sixth time, it can feel exhausting. This, compounded with the multitude of other emotional stressors present in your life, can make it much more difficult to hold space for emotional conversations like this.

Social media also makes us available to everyone all of the time. In the 90s, we had landlines. Now, anybody can get in contact with you whenever they feel like it, which is incredibly overwhelming. Believe it or not, this actually has a term: telepressure. This is the perceived, and often real, pressure to respond immediately or in what is considered a socially acceptable timeframe. A 2022 study notes, “The pursuit of staying connected seems detrimental to well-being,” because our brains never really seem to shut off. Whether you’re at work and feel the need to respond to a friend immediately, or at home and feel the urge to respond to a work email, telepressure creates an overwhelming sense of never being truly alone.

In short, you’re not crazy. Yes, it is harder to maintain friendships in this day and age for a multitude of reasons. This is why setting boundaries and maintaining a healthy distance are key to fostering your relationships. Instead of immediately jumping to the aid of another person, ask yourself: “Do I have the mental capacity to hold space for this right now?” If the answer is no, take time to decompress and destress before answering that call or text. 

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