Alex Hitchens said it best, “No game. No guile. No girl.” Hitch hit the big screen and inspired men to raise their game and get the girl. However, fast-forward to 2018, and we’re stuck in a junior high montage of fearful men and confused women. I’ve seen too many male friends struggle to break through the friend zone and get to the next level. However, they’re stuck, because they keep repeating the same mistakes hoping for different results. This is why I’ve decided to present you with a formula – 21stdating rules that will get you the girl. In this article you’ll find 5 reasons why you’re striking out in the dating sphere and winning at the friendzone. If you’ve been crushing on your best friend, coworker or barista on E 59thstreet, then take notes, because I’ll get you to the point where women actually want to date you and not just give you a fake number. I want you to graduate past group hangouts and actually take that crush on that moonlit stroll. Here are my 5 Reasons Why You’re Not Getting a Second Date. Memorize them, write them down and make them a part of your daily habit.
1. You’re not asking
Subtilty is adorable, if you’re a timid adolescent writing poetry about your crush in Chemistry class. However, if you’re a grown man, then you need to be a grown up and ASK. If you want something badly enough, then you will venture to the ends of the earth to attain your goal. If you want the best pizza, you’ll commute to Manhattan. If you want the next promotion, then you’ll work day and night. The same is true with dating. Too many guys want a relationship, but they’ve settled for multiple hangouts. It may be safe, but it will never lead you to the next level.
If you want to keep a woman in the friendzone, then just keep making plans to ‘hang out’with her. If you want a relationship, then step up your game and ‘ask her out’ on a date. This requires you to use the word “date” in a sentence. If you don’t, then she’ll friendzone you and go out with your best friend.
2. You’re Going out in Groups
Ok. This is the worst thing that you can do. Repeat this after me, don’t invite a woman to a group outing, if you want to date her. Write it on your bathroom mirror, memorize it by heart and make a vow to never do this again. When you invite a woman out with a group, you automatically friendzone her. She will call you brother, buddy and bro. You don’t want to be here. Once you’re stuck in this pit, it’s difficult to get out.
If you really want to get to know her within a group, keep it small and single her out. Talk to her. Ask about her interests. Compliment her character. Make her feel like she’s the only one in your sight, even if the room is filled to the brim. This will give her the chance to know you in a relaxed setting and get to know how you interact with a diversified crowd.
3. You’re moving too fast
You’ve heard it said, “Rome was not built in a day”, the same is true for dating. If you come on too strong, you come off as a player and not a pursuer. Be yourself. Give her a chance to get to know your personality and sense of humor. However, make sure that you give just enough to keep her interested and not so much that she hands you a restraining order.
If you really want to get her to go out with you, then balance the conversation. Share about yourself and ask her about her goals. Don’t monopolize the conversation and tell her about your multiple trophies or the number of zeros in your paycheck. Bragging is inevitable when you’re attracted to someone; however, bragging to the extreme just makes you look like a self-centered jerk.
4. Your expectations are too high
No one likes to feel like they’re being graded on a date. One of the biggest hurdles that is keeping you from a relationship is your inflated sense of self. If you look in the mirror at your pecks, more than you invest in others, then there’s a problem. Too many guys look at women as a status symbol. They want a trophy that is equal to them. They want a woman who will make them feel better about themselves because they never became secure in their own identity. If you continue to plaster false expectations on your “potential dates”, then you’ll never get a real date.
I once heard it said that, “There is no such thing as marriage problems, but single problems that people bring into marriage.” If you’re looking for a woman to build you up and support your fragile ego, then take a break from the search and book an appointment with a counselor. Take time to understand your insecurities, so that you don’t look to relationships to fix your issues. Own your issues, fix your mindset and then seek to become a healthy individual before becoming a couple.
5. Your expectations are too low
We’ve all witnessed this type of guy. He belittles his talents, his body and his scholastic achievements and thinks he’s being humble; however, he’s just using false pride to gain pity. Don’t be this guy. Don’t settle into being a victim and looking for sympathy. We all have bad days, but we also have tons of opportunities to be grateful. We’ve been given breath, purpose and dreams that are intrinsic to our very soul. These aspects make us magnificent and talented.
If you want to get the girl, then you need to get a handle on your identity. Know who you are and take pride in your personality. Your talents and passions are specific to you and you bring so much to the table. If you can’t see past your own faults, then you’ll never see past a woman’s faults. You need to learn to forgive yourself, so that you can forgive others. Take time before entering into a relationship and get to know your strengths. Read books, gain accountability, ask others to point out your talents. Understand yourself holistically and present that to women. Only then, will you get the second date.